A big man was standing next to a little baby. They were in an exam room in my clinic. The mom and I were sitting across the room. "Whew!" the man said, "She really needs a new diaper."  Then the man went about changing the diaper. The mom and I watched. "You know what happens when you're a dad and you change your baby's diapers?," I asked.  The dad looked a bit puzzled for a second. "She loves you forever, that's what happens." We smiled, dads bonding over diapers.

We dads are so lucky these days. The feminist battles of last century - and they're still going on - freed us not only to express our feelings (and even to feel our feelings), but also to do simple things like give bottles and wipe bottoms. These little things aren't really little at all. They're the stuff that relationships are built on. After enough diapers and bottles, you really get to know your baby.And your baby gets to know some things about you, too, like how gentle you are, and how you make everything feel better.

Here's another Father's Day thought: A colleague of mine told me about growing up with a father who was away from home most of the time. The economy being what it was, he moved away to find work when she was about five. Up to then, he had been around all the time, and she got a big "dose" of fatherness. Her younger brother and sister weren't so lucky. As she tells the story, they paid the price for growing up without a father around, even though he was sending home money. They had more difficult behavior as kids, and even as adults have struggled to create lasting, loving relationships.

I have a personal reflection on what a father gives his children. Once, long ago, my big sister told me that the most important thing she'd gotten from our father was his unwavering trust in her ability to make good decisions. (My sister, if she reads this, might tell the story differently, but this is how I remember it, anyhow.)  He believed in her then and still does; she believes in herself and has lived a rich life. 

I thought about this many times while my own daughter was growing up. And somehow, I too have found it easy to trust in my daughter's good sense. I suspect that this trait was largely inherited from her mom. But also, I think that my trusting her has helped her to be thoughtful about her needs and desires, and about the risks that are important to take, and those that need to be avoided. And for this insight I thank my sister, and my dad, and (if the family lore has it right) his dad before him. This is one of our family jewels, free for the taking. Happy Father's Day.